


Hold My Body, Hold My Breath

by melonprins



Series: bomb diffuser [2]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Banter, Hospitals, Hurt/Comfort, I have an explanation, Implied/Referenced Car Accident, M/M, Panic Attacks, alec doesn't like hospitals, but im not gna tell u cause those are spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-28
Updated: 2017-09-28
Packaged: 2019-01-06 14:06:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12212814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melonprins/pseuds/melonprins
Summary: And suddenly, Alec is awake. Michael feels his breath catch in his throat because there he is, there are his eyes, but something is wrong.”Alec,” Michael’s voice comes out too soft, more air than sound. The heartbeat monitor drowns it out before it even leaves his mouth. It’s beeping too fast. Alec isn’t breathing right, too shallow and quick and everything it’s not supposed to be. Michael stands up, his free hand hovering, shaking, over Alec’s struggling form. He doesn’t hold him down, he knows that would be worse.–Alec wakes up in the hospital and has a flashback. Michael talks him through a panic attack.





	Hold My Body, Hold My Breath

**Author's Note:**

> im still !!!!!! emotional about my boys !!!!!!!!!! 
> 
> title from Fear of the Water by SYML ( again, bc their music is like ,, alec's soundtrack,, )

And suddenly, Alec is awake. Michael feels his breath catch in his throat because there he is, there are his eyes, but something is wrong.

”Alec,” Michael’s voice comes out too soft, more air than sound. The heartbeat monitor drowns it out before it even leaves his mouth. It’s beeping too fast. Alec isn’t breathing right, too shallow and quick and everything it’s not supposed to be.

Michael stands, his free hand hovering – shaking – over Alec’s struggling form. He doesn’t hold him down, he knows that would be worse.

”Alec, hey, listen to me,” Michael’s voice is stronger this time, but not rough. He squeezes Alec’s slender hand. Alec’s eyes are unseeing, wild, pupils too dilated. Michael swallows around the lump in his throat, and he keeps talking.

”It’s okay. Here, see? I’m right here,” Somehow, Michael catches Alec’s other thrashing hand and presses it to his own chest. He knows his heart is beating too fast to be comforting, but he calms his breathing. Ingis showed him how to do this, when she was learning for Lucas, and maybe Elliot too. Fuck, let this work.

”Don’t worry, you’re not where you think you are,” Michael doesn’t know where Alec thinks he is, but he knows it’s bad. Michael bites back the fresh tears burning his eyes.

His voice feels too thick, but the words keep coming. ”I’m here, I’m right here sweetheart. You’re safe. I’ll keep you safe,”

Slowly, but surely, Alec’s thrashing gets weaker, more defeated and Michael can finally hear the small whimpers coming from Alec’s mouth. He feels something break in his chest and then his cheeks are wet again. Michael forces his voice not to break and he softens his voice. ”You’re here, with me.”

Alec’s breath catches, and his eyes eyes dart, like he’d heard that, like it had registered. Michael feels stuffed too full, head aching and everything is shaking, but _Alec heard him._

”It’s okay, honey. It’s alright,” Michael shushes him, feels his heart race as Alec jerks a few more times, and every time he does Michael feels like he’s being stabbed. With a last shuddering breath, Alec collapses against the bed, sweating, limp. Michael doesn’t drop Alec’s hands, doesn’t relax.

”Michael…?” Alec’s voice is soft, small and nothing Michael has ever heard before. He feels frozen, staring as if transfixed at Alec. He watches Alec’s eyes clear, watches them focus on Michael’s face. A small crease appears between Alec’s eyebrows and he’s so, so beautiful.

”The fuck are you crying for?”

A startled laugh punches it’s way out of Michael’s chest and halfway out of his mouth it turns into a sob. He falls back into his chair, drops one of Alec’s hands to cradle the one closest to him with both hands. Fresh tears slip down his face and he stifles a broken whine by burying it in the sheets. He presses his face into Alec’s thigh and his shoulders shake from the force of his sobs.

A hand – hesitant, jerky – settles on Michael’s head, gentle as it cards through his tangled hair.

They stay like that, until Michael can get full breaths into his lungs again and then he lifts his head. Alec’s face is blank when their eyes meet, but Michael doesn’t expect anything else. He lets go of Alec’s hand with one hand and slowly drapes it over Alec’s middle. Alec doesn’t object to it, just keeps his fingers in Michael’s hair, so he tightens it until he can feel Alec’s waist under the sheet.

”You’re such an idiot,” It’s not what Michael wants to say, but it’s also exactly what he wants to say.

”Shut the fuck up, Wise,” Comes the sharp reply, but it’s not as sharp as it can be. Michael breathes easier through the fist around his heart. Surprisingly, before Michael can respond, Alec continues.

”What kind of name is Wise anyways? It doesn’t fit you,” Alec’s voice comes out stronger this time, albeit a little slurred and Michael scoffs. Alec’s still high from the pain medication, he won’t like that.

”Don’t even get me started on you, Mr. Bukowski,” He doesn’t know why that’s relevant, but he has to say something, and his brain feels like it’s been smashed repeatedly into a concrete wall.

”Scrawny bitch,” Michael adds for good measure. Something clicks behind Alec’s eyes.

”It’s a classic polish last name. Read a history book, you uneducated heathen,” Michael stills, stares at Alec’s blank expression. He feels the familiar spark of irritation in his chest and he welcomes it over the earth shattering terror and the echoing numbness and the overwhelming relief.

”Okay, fuck you. You want me to leave that bad? I will if you’re going to be a dick,” Even as he says it, he knows it’s a lie. Michael thinks he would die if he let Alec go, even for a second. Alec’s face twists into a familiar sneer.

”Did I ask you to be here? How did you even get in here?” Alec’s words are sharp, but they’re dulled by how tightly he’s clutching at Michael’s hand.

”Your weak ass put me as your emergency contact. Don’t try to act tough,” Michael says. There’s another feeling in his chest and it’s warm and he doesn’t dwell on it.

”Says the one who was crying,” Alec’s voice has no bite.

Maybe it’s just the hospital lighting but Alec looks pasty against the sheets, the red of his hair is a startling contrast to everything else in the room. Alec suddenly looks tired, the circles under his eyes more like bruises. Michael feels the fight leave him with his next exhale, like a deflating balloon. Instead, Michael feels exhausted, but it’s not bad. He feels calm, so maybe that’s why he says it.

”I don’t want the person I love to die on me,”

Alec goes very still. His green eyes search Michael, scrutinize him for any type of lie. There’s a familiar suspicion there, but it’s clouding over with something else, something unfamiliar. Alec’s eyes are a little too wide. His shoulders are tense.

”And besides, I already,” Michael trails off, feels his mind catch up to his mouth and suddenly his hands feel clammy. ”I already bought the rings,”

The breath Alec sucks in sounds like a gunshot.

”Are you–,”

”No!” Michael hurries to answer. His heart races. ”No, I’m. Not here,”

Alec’s Adam’s apple bobs when he swallows, hard. His eyes look wet, but Michael knows they have nothing on his own bloodshot eyes.

”Okay,” Alec’s voice is fragile, soft. Michael has never heard him sound like that either.

Alec’s shoulders stay tense, but he settles back against the bed. Michael had distracted him for a while, but now he gets the opportunity to take in the room fully. Alec’s face remains blank, but something in his eyes twists. Michael gives his hand a gentle, but firm squeeze and Alec’s eyes flick back to him. Their eyes meet. It’s quiet, except for the steady beeping from the heart monitor and the drip of the IV.

Maybe it’s the close brush with death, or maybe it’s morphine, but Alec is the first one to open his mouth.

”Stay,” He says, and his voice is strong, his gaze steady, but his lips shake around the word and Michael wants to kiss him. He knows what he tastes like, he knows how soft Alec’s lips can be, but Michael hasn’t kissed him in four days. It’s laughable how far gone he is. Instead of getting up, steadying himself on the bed frame with one hand and leaning down to press their lips together, Michael answers.

”I’m not going to leave, Alec,” They stay like that, just looking at each other, before Alec closes his eyes. Michael watches as his breathing evens out, how his shoulders drop, how his grip on Michael’s hand goes slack.

Michael stays.

**Author's Note:**

> idk if y'all even enjoy this please lmk hhhh–


End file.
